I wrote this list a while back and recently dug it up when I was cleaning my desktop. This list still has the power to irritate me while making me laugh. Enjoy! PJ
1. Parents who don’t put kids in car seats. Usually these parents are too distracted to drive safely as their little brats are bouncing all around the back seat. Where’s a cop when you need one?
2. Guys who blast their shi**y music with their windows down. Does the whole world want to listen to your crap? No. You think we all care about your expensive stereo, but we don’t. If I want to listen to music, I’ll turn on my own stereo, thank you. My stereo may not be as big as yours, but neither is my ego. Because you’re self centered and insecure, you need the world to listen to your music, so we can validate that you actually are cool.
3. People who load the back of their trucks with too much sh**. In order to save a tank of gas, you’ll try to stuff every scrap of your furniture into one load. Never mind the lawsuit you’ll be facing when your futon crashes through someone’s windshield. So far, I’ve dodged a lawn chair, a glass top coffee table and a mattress. Sorry, but your patio furniture isn’t my idea of a hood ornament.
4. The guy who orders the deluxe car wash for his piece of sh** ’82 rusty Dodge pickup with a missing front fender. Who in the hell is going to notice your Lustra three coat sealant? Save that extra four dollars for a new fender at the junkyard. I’ve got a schedule to keep, and I don’t like wasting my time waiting behind you.
5. The car snob who takes up two parking spaces so his car won’t get scratched. If your car is so damned special, then park it somewhere else – your garage. Borrow your friend’s ’82 rusty Dodge before you learn the hard way. Taking up two spaces will INCREASE your chances of damage to your pretty paint job. Like, the words ASSHOLE scrawled on your driver’s side door in key marks. Maybe you think you’re special because of your expensive car, but unless you’re the guy who massages my feet and makes me howl at night, you’re nobody to me.